Looking directly at the mother of former girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp, Pistorius claimed he remains traumatised by the events of Valentine's Day last year when he shot Steenkamp four times through a bathroom door after, he claims, mistaking her for a burgler.

"There is not a moment and there hasn't been a moment since this tragedy happened that I haven't thought about your family," he said.

"I wake up in the morning and you're the first people I think of, the first people I pray for."

"I'm scared to sleep.

"I have terrible nightmares about things that happened that night. I smell the blood and wake up terrified."

Pistorius also confirmed he has been taking antidepressants and sleeping pills, often has to ring his sister in the middle of the night for comfort, and has lost "a large amount of weight" since the incident.

Oscar Pistorius arriving in court today as the trial restarted following its adjournment ©AFP/Getty Images




As part of an hour-and-a-half in the witness stand, Pistorius also spoke extensively about his early upbringing in what his defence hope will prove central to understanding his state of mind.

This included the fact he was born without leg bones beneath the knees and became a double-amputee as a baby, and was dependent on his mother even after he learnt to walk on prosthetics.

He also described how the family were conscious about crime from an early age and the danger of growing up in a rough Johannesburg suburb.

"My mother had a lot of security concerns," he said.

"We grew up in a family where my father wasn't around much so my mother had a pistol.

"She would often get scared at night so she would call the police, we didn't stay in the best of suburbs.

"She kept her firearm under her bed, under her pillow in a padded leather type of bag."

Pistorius also outlined his gradual transition into athletics in a career which eventually produced six Paralympic gold medals as well as a semi-final at the London 2012 Olympic Games over 400m.

But, as he explained the pitfalls he has met along the way, Pistorius's barrister was able to procure his client an early adjournment for the day on the basis that Pistorius was visibly distressed and fatigued by the morning's proceedings. 

Yet the 27-year-old will return to the witness stand tomorrow as the trial looks set to continue for some time yet. 

Contact the writer of this story at [email protected]


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